As the title shows, this is a pre-birthday wishes.
This upcoming 23rd Nov 2017, I will officially turn to 24 years old. I am writing this to you, the future Melor.
Dear future Melor,
Today is saturday and I tried my best to spend time alone, and tried to know 'we' better. They said the only person who stays forever is ourselves, so we shouldn't feel bored with ourselves company. These words are so twisted but nvm. You're me, you will understand this. I clean the house and I walk to shopping mall alone. I enjoyed every steps I take, the hot scorching sun and the warm breezy wind. I was happy to be out alone but cleaning the house really affect the mood. I was too tired to move around and I got cranky with myself just because I cannot decide what to eat or where or whutttttt..
But problem solved! I ate nasi lemak sambal sotong which is not delicious and chendol. The chendol was great, not phenomenal but I really like the taste
And I spent an hour in your favorite comfortable happy place in which the bookstore. Finished reading 1 book regarding true story of loving her own teachers and get raped I was shooketh, like what the fuck happened?!! That escalated quickly and I could not brain that. And since one of the employee at your training place saying your face looks mature compared to your age, I bought two cleanser for different skin condition (they were actually on sale, each for RM10. I hope we can get prettier )
And on my way going home, I bought PapaRoti (Please remember that you are super duper crazy falling for that bread and it cost 3.50 for 1 bread). And I slept for 3 hours because we were tired, too tired to stay up.
Dear future Melor,
All I did today is for us, for myself. For once I didn't think about others and focusing on myself and I think that moment was not all great but yeah, please do it occasionally and only for short period. If you're acting like that regularly, you might develop into a selfish bitch. Jangan kata hakak tak payung
Melor,
I received a job offer at that training place. I had 2 interviews with the general manager and I do not know what he thinks about me. Our weakness is everything we feel showed up at our face. So, during the interview, I really REALLY FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE. And this GM are quite indecisive. He always change his word and so, I do not put high hopes with this offer. Let's wait for official letter.
And I hope everything I did won't be a problem in the future.
And now, lets proceed for the last part: wishes for future, past and current Melor.
Dear Melorku,
Things are getting tough, I know. Mixed feelings, emptiness, problems. But if I can ask, it would be for you to be patient. In every struggles even the teeny tiny problems that would annoy you quickly, I want you to be patient.
In every breath, be grateful, be humble and be wiser. Never ever thought about suicidal anymore. I know things are hard and there is something wrong with us, mentally but never let the demon lead you to the wrong way.
Dear future Melor,
I am thinking of getting professional help as soon as this depression strike again. But I think I can learn to control that feeling in the meantime. Always remember, you have friends. You are not a pathetic loser whom everyone turn their back on you. SERIOUSLY, YOU HAVE FRIENDS. PLEASE STOP THINKING OF COMMITTING SUICIDE.
Melorku,
Each year I watch us climbing higher and higher. We are nowhere close to the peak but we do move forward. The proudest thing is we keep going even if it is hard, it is hurt, we were in pain but we manage to get through it. Every year, you fight the demon in you and I know bae realise there is something wrong with us. And thankfully, he always here, by our side and rooting for us. We can never find someone like him or better than him after this.
Melor,
Thanks for still breathing and fighting. Happy 24th years of living my love
