live .. is...

Sometimes a girl can only picture the life she wants in her mind and live on the life in the sweetest dream she ever have. I guess emotional instability play a role in shaping a dream thus it becomes comfortable. Yes, escapism through the dream. It's good when we lead the live we ever dream out even tho not all the character played by the same people, be it family or boyfriend. When I had argument with anybody.. my mind tend to alter the fact of the character and usually it replaced the character with other people. Or change the person who play the character in real live. perhaps it is my sweet revenge :)

Ah.. my words are getting tangled. I'm sorry, I'm never good in writing my feeling or trying to tell a story.

As I watch myself grows up, I think it becomes more negative. It seems like I cannot see anything special about me. As days passed by, my confidence level had been at the lowest point. Nowadays I can't even do presentation and get good marks. The truth is I screw up my third semester..

I don't even think I screw up because it really happened. Now, I shall lower my expectation towards my performance..... I can never get ANC.

I'm a dumb girl with few friends and leading pathetic live.

5.37 am

I used to ignore about what other people talks regarding me.
that is why I've never care whatever they call me but these few days I found myself, unconsciously struggling.
I become pessimist and timid and lost.

I found myself no longer showing self-love maybe because I'm not lovable or likable even to myself. I know I need to find a point, a strength, a weakness or whatever can make me love myself but it seems I got nothing. Everything about me is boring. I never excel in study, give it science or administration. maybe I'm just a mere stupid person. I like planning my day but in the end, I let it be. because my plan is a useless one. lol yassin said I'm good at it but he always doubt my plan. haha I can't cook. U might think this is exaggerating but I try my best and still.. I'm sucks. Sometimes it's not even eatable. believe me I try my best it just.. I surrender. perhaps.. can I use all the instant rempah whatsoever so yang tu masak of course jadik. I'm not good in socialising. Im never good at it because I give out an eerie vibe at the high school and apparently I have weird attitude in university and that my friend... cause me to sit all alone without making new friends. I'm ugly too. there is no explanation on that, I'm just ugly af. I've no hidden talent.. well Im not artistic or creative, cant sing and no. I dont have any talent.

Maybe it's better to wander abit more and know myself better so .... ah I hate myself. there is no way I would like being this girl or enjoy being this girl.. She is too ugly.

Fullstop.