Why you you choose to be a macai?

Because sometimes we believe on something to the extent we think we are on the right side.
Because things can go out of control.
Because backstabbing and badmouthing other people feels so great (is it?)
Because we can be abit immature like "oh pak menteri ni bodoh bla bla bla" =.= shame on you bruhh.
Because my best friend hate this certain party.
Because he's getting married and end up ignoring me. Btw, bakal pengantin lek2 ya jul.
Because that's my right to be whatever I want.

P/s : Don't feel guilty, it's killing me.

I was in the mid of writing something but nahh never mind. I don't want to post that here. It's enough with just write and delete it. You'll never get enough dose of talking about someone behind their back. It just, you'll never satisfied. 

I don't know how you can deal with it but enough is enough. No more or less than what is it now. Focusing on your study in order to create a better future is a crucial thing for now. Why would you or anyone suffering like this? Change your attitude.

Insecurity & Crushing

No, you don't just come and say, "Why it's only me suffering because of that? Why the other girl looks like not affected by that incident?"

That someone might facing her fears, her sadness and suffering quietly. In my case, I don't care. I don't forgive people easily especially the ones who mock my insecurity. You didn't know even a little bit of my life story yet you laughed and ridiculed my insecurity. You're not putting on my shoes, you're not waking up from a hard floor everyday, you're not taking care of a sick grandmother whom pee anywhere she likes everyday, you're not raised in my family yet you are laughing at my behavior? I only protect what is mine in order to keep it just for me, forever.

It is such unbelievable, why would an over-confident impudent girl like you questioning my insecurity. Oh I see.. Because you didn't know how it feel to be me.

It's okay. And that's the reason why I questioned people decision and then stop in the mid of it. Because I never know what it feels to be them.

Everyone deserve to feel happy with their decision. To feel loved even for a short period of time. To forget even for a moment the sadness that had been lingering for years. For God sake, why do you like to laugh at those weak and unsecured people?

They're fragile. When you touch them, they can break. A broken pieces is really hard to be glued. Why would you break 'em? Because they're not your friend? Or because you are always right, you cannot be wrong and lets show to the world how I break this stupid insecure girl. Is it because of that?

Why? Why would you?

Stop being so cruel will you? People have feeling, people have their own stories, sometimes people protect what they have because that is the only thing they have. People try to change their destiny and learn through the past mistakes. Stop bashing people just because they have the opposite characters of you. It's not like everyone born as bold as you, as over-confident as you, as lucky as you.

People are different.

We're different.

Stop crushing people. Karma will hit you hard and on that moment, you couldn't stop thinking. Why. Why. Why.

Did I really holding on to you?

I feel like I already grab on you but maybe my eyes play a little trick on me. Amazingly, I'm not holding on to you.
It was abit lonely in the beginning of the journey. It's not like I found someone special, no. It just in the mid of journey, you began to discover bit by bit about the bitter truth of this live. You have to go on evetho you're in pain.
Sometimes, just sometimes.. I feel like a fool, being sad over petty things. I carved a smile in the face but deep down, all of those petty things try to engulf my positivity. I'm not sure why.. Perhaps it's a way of God reminding me, that I still got Him.


I'm sorry, this is a random rant. I should end this here before I start to rant other things. Goodbye.

The past (1)

I'm so insecure in the past that I spend my nights in chatroom. And you know, chatroom is for the low esteem people and most of 'em aren't good looking. For an example, me. I'm ugly and stupid. The chatroom is a one way to make you feel worthy, being surrounded by your kind.

This is a random rant because I actually still have friends from the chatroom that still live their life like that. They still feel the insecure and worthless in the real life. But who am I to judge your life, go ahead ^^

Be yourself or create the other side of you, live your life comfortably.

P/s: this is my opinion. Not 100% correct or wrong. Thanks